Fantasising About Women

Fantasy #1

The Roar women are champions and so far are in the champion position this season as well. To be accurate and fair, and to avoid being too hubristic, they have some serious competition this year in Sydney, Melbourne and Central Coast. Yesterday I reckon they barely outplayed Melbourne at Ballymore, but it couldn't be said that Melbourne didn't deserve their point (1:1). It was a brilliant struggle and the 1400+ fans got a great show from both teams. But it is also absolutely fair to say that Brisbane remain the favourites, still undefeated this season, and clearly a very special bunch of women.

The situation begs for more competition. I would just love to see this team play the American champions, or for that matter a top women's club from anywhere in the world. I honestly don't know if they'd win, and I guess nobody does until it's tried. But I can't help thinking such a match possible commercially. Women's teams and women's competitions could, I believe, attract a variety of sponsorships that the men's game might not. In the United States the women's competition is much more established and attracts big crowds, which is why I think it would be the best place for such women's champions games to be held. Surely the U.S. fans would like their heroines to face higher competition as well, and would be very tempted by the prospect of a tour by Australia's most successful women's team.

Fantasy #2

As a general rule female players would not cut it in professional men's teams, but I think it might only be a general rule. For a team like the Brisbane Roar (men) in the A-League I can see a window of possibility which would be very exciting for the A-League and soccer in general. A female keeper, defender or even midfielder is probably out of the question. 90 minutes with the boys is also probably out of the question. My speculation is for a high quality striker, like Brazil's Marta or Perth's De Vanna to play an impact role up front off the bench, Timmy Cahill style.

So far as I know it's not against any rules and if it is, why?

For one thing the defenders would be under pressure to defend legitimately and not foul them, with the fear of chagrin from both the ref and the fans in the back of their minds. And if that were the case Marta or De Vanna could carve up your average A-League defense. I'd love to be proved wrong, but I don't think I would be. Once again I don't think they'd be effective for a full 90 minutes with the pace of the men's game. But in that last 15 minutes I think they might be uniquely effective.

Can you imagine the attention this would attract?

When comparing men to women playing soccer - and it is clear that men are, all things being equal (as such), bigger, stronger and faster - it is important to keep in mind that some of the distance between the quality is just about resources, coaching, professionalism and training regimes. That's not to say the gap could be closed, but it might not be quite as great as we think.

I have other fantasies about women but I won't be writing about them on this blog.

Why the Roar Need a New Board

The financial crisis has highlighted a dilemna in capitalist society, especially so in the United States. Simply put, some corporations and institutions have been deemed just too big to fail - the damage of letting their poor decisions break them would be so great for society that it is deemed in the public interest to bail them out. The dilemna is that if they can rely on being bailed out they are, given the normal forces of competing self-interest, likely to continue taking careless risks, knowing they'll be bailed out if their gambling fails. It's a very difficult area for governments, balancing public interest and the need to maintain the fear of failure as a basic incentive for institutions to make the best possible decisions.

It seems reasonable to me, and to many others, that if a company is just too big to fail, and hence has to be bailed out, that at the very least the entire board of said company should be replaced as a part of the bail-out package, and that the departing board members lose any extra entitlements. That seems to be the best compromise - it maintains that crucial fear of failure for the individuals on the boards at least, even if not for the institution as a whole. I know from innumerable informal discussions that many people share this basic view, and judge the decisions of governments and the actions of such companies on more-or-less this criteria.

Same goes for A-League clubs. The FFA clearly (and rightly I think) believe that it is better for soccer and for the A-League to help a club financially that to let it go bust. But doesn't that give the respective boards the message that even if they take ludicrous risks and make stupid decisions, it'll be ok because the FFA can't let them fail? Well, yes it does. Bailing them out is fine, if that's what's deemed in everyone's overall interests, but, well, you can see what I'm getting at. For the same people to continue to run the said club is absurd. The individuals involved must go if they have failed, as the only basic incentive for them to be very careful to make good decisions.

The board of the Brisbane Roar have made so many poor decisions, and have shown such incompetence in building the club in what should have been the most perfect market for an A-League club, that they really can't hold any respect whatsoever. Let's go through a bit of it.

They immediately set out to alienate soccer fans. I mean that. Oh they tried to develop 'community relations' all right, but not with Brisbane's enormous soccer playing and soccer watching community, but with some fictoid 'family' base, that doesn't drink, smoke, swear, dance, have sex, make rude gestures or actually have any passion for life. Since becoming a soccer fan a few years ago I've met hundreds of real soccer fans, mostly amateur players, people who kick about in the park on a Sunday afternoon (in Davies Park, West End, every Sunday at 4pm, incidentally), and people who have kids in teams. Guess what? Most of them are not Mormons, but Australians, of every colour, gender, religion and sexuality to be sure, but real live Australians nevertheless who live in a real world. They don't follow the A-League, almost without exception. It's not just that they haven't been reached out to, it's become increasingly clear that the Roar don't want most of these people because they don't fit into the fluffy pussy mold that the Roar (and the FFA, to be fair) is apparently aiming for.

I got a warning I'd be thrown out once for yelling the F word, and later heard stories of even the Orange Army being told that "shit" was out of bounds. Is this the real world they're trying to market to?

Now getting to the recent past, in that infamous away game against Melbourne where frankly I was disgusted by the violent bullying of Robbie Kruse by the Roar older boys. The Roar board cracked down of course... oh no, actually they didn't. They fined Tiatto an 'undisclosed sum' for giving the finger (ooh so rude!) and completely ignored Miller punching Robbie in the head. The thing about violence is it is not just a fluffy Christian issue, but an objectively ugly behaviour. False morality exposed. Later on they actually claimed that they held back on disciplining the players because Frank told them to. Um... So the Board doesn't take responsibility for its decisions? It's Frank's fault for 'telling them to'. I have to laugh but I want to cry. And meanwhile I can't help suspecting that their claim that Frank 'told them to' is utter bullshit, given their clear motives to scapegoat him.

Suncorp was ambitious in the first place, and I can't complain about that. Hindsight is not really fair, and I was among the many who thought it was fantastic - best stadium in the country, wonderful reputation as 'the cauldron' etc. But at a certain point there has to be a swallowing of ego and a recognition that it's not working. The small crowds actually made it an anti-fortress - great pitch and facilities with the intimidation factor of a possum. The away teams just loved it, even as the Roar lost money every week.

I have heard the Roar had the opportunity to buy Ballymore Stadium outright. If so, not doing so has to be counted as one of their follies. Ballymore is also a fantastic stadium, albeit with half the capacity (but still plenty for the crowds we were getting). It is also the recognised home of Brisbane soccer.

Central Coast model anyone? Wellington model? I like what the Fury is doing as well. Attempting to build a sustainable support according to reality, and engaging with an actual rather than an idealised, largely fictional community.

The FFA offered last year to buy a part of the Roar and help them out, but the offer was refused. We start to get the picture of a bunch of petulant egos that have no idea but who simply can't face it that they've fucked up.

The last stupid decision they made was sacking the coach who has had two moderately successful seasons and is himself a Brisbane soccer icon that every soccer player/supporter over 30 knows. He's probably Brisbane's number one soccer identity in fact.

It wasn't just stupid because Frank is a good coach and a drink driving charge is simply not grounds to be sacked, but let's just make the point that noone on the Board would ever be sacked for the same thing, and that there are journalists, engineers, judges, politicians and doctors who continue in their employment despite losing their licenses for DD. It was also stupid because it's going to cost them $300,000. They can't afford it. Oh that's right - it's ok because the FFA won't let them fail.

I could go on. The response to two years of dwindling crowds was the classic accountant's folly of raising the prices. "Watch my calculator - see, if you put the price up we're in profit!" Then, when crowds inevitably bottom out even more, they drop prices - twice in three weeks - and congratulate themselves for "listening to the fans." Don't make me fucking choke. We're just back to last year's model, except with even greater financial losses.

The Roar is being run by a bunch of rank amateurs and I strongly suspect they're there for the trough rather than the sport. They have no idea and they deserve zero confidence from anyone. I have no doubt that the players despise them. The FFA must be embarassed by them. Most of Brisbane's soccer fans don't follow the Roar anyway, but the few who do have zero reason to have any faith in these people at all.

The Roar - or at least the flagship men's team - have completely lost this fan. I've gotten right into the women's game, which at least has the advantage of being attacking, uncynical football. The stories about the Homeless World Cup inspire and move me. Following Jacob's team is absolute joy. Playing myself is grueling but extremely rewarding. Watching a good game on SBS gives me the pleasure of witnessing virtuosity at the highest level. If the Brisbane Roar wants my support, it's going to need a new board, a new plan, a new vision for where it wants to go.

Of course the FFA must move in. The operation must be rationalised, moved to Ballymore and concentrate on developing the support of the real soccer-loving people of Brisbane, as we find them, rather than as we want them. Of course it must be moral - it must emphasise fair play, zero tolerance of diving, falsehood and violent behaviour. Swearing, gesturing and getting pissed have nothing at all to do with real morality - they are subjects of religion.

But first and foremost, we need a new Board. Let me know when that happens will you, and I'll get back to you. Meanwhile, I'll keep loving soccer, and there's plenty of it to enjoy without stretching patience and credulity with this bunch of tossers.

Brisbane's Champion Team

A few times over the past few years I've noted the obvious word play, "The Roar purred." I guess it would have been used more if it was true more often, but even when they were really getting it together, like toward the end of last season, it didn't quite work as a metaphor.

Yesterday against Perth at Ballymore the Brisbane Roar Women purred.

Now I'll get a caveat out of the way. People will inevitably point out that the pace is slower in the woman's game. It is. And the slower pace is distracting, at first. But you get used to it, and frankly the pace is the only difference. Obviously I'm blessed by being able to watch a genuinely brilliant team, but in many other ways it's straight-out better. I'm beginning to think much better.

Brisbane played no long balls. I'll spell that out - they played z-e-r-o long balls. Even the keeper, the young lioness Casey Dumont, played the ball out to the defense virtually every time. On the odd occasion Brisbane lost possession, they fought like animals to get it back all over the field, but then in possession, they kept it and played it everywhere. They were a machine. I was honestly more in awe of the brilliant, tactically clever, technically highly trained, consistent demonstration of dominance than I have ever seen before. Ever.

Brisbane did not stop attacking for the entire game. 3:0 at half time. 6:0 at full time, the final, by my personal favourite striker Sasha McDonnell, at 90+1 minutes. Not an inch of cynicism.

There was not a hint of diving or theatrics throughout the entire game. To those who knowingly sneer that the women's game can never be as good as the men's, but who also spend a lot of time complaining about cynical defensive play and diving, I ask this question: "Are you sure?"

The women's game is slower, but if you can get used to this, are you sure that the women's game doesn't better fulfil almost every other criteria for spectator enjoyment of a soccer game?

My frustration is that I think Brisbane has something VERY special going on here and very few people realise. I can say with a straight face, unlike for any other Australian soccer team, that this team could play it with ANY TEAM IN THE WORLD. That this is not even being explored is wrong.

Is anyone looking at playing Brisbane (already the Australian champions and premiers) against the champion US women's team? Sure it would cost money but women's soccer is big in the US so there would easilly be enough of a market to sell the TV rights and come up with a sponsor or two. The tragedy, and the reason it may seem far fetched here, is that noone in Brisbane knows about its most formidable sporting team.

I am in love with them all, and the home games at Ballymore are among the most satisfying and enjoyable days out that I have had. $5 people. Kids free. And you can buy beer.

Next week is away against Canberra, the closest thing to a nemesis Brisbane has (Canberra is the only team to have beaten them, once, last year). It will be televised on the ABC at 3pm (Sat 7th).

Then there are just TWO home games left before the finals rounds. For what it's worth with my humble Brisbane readership (there's at least 3 or 4 of you) this is a PLUG. The Brisbane Roar women rock, right now.

vs Melbourne Saturday 14th November, 6pm
vs Adelaide Sunday 22nd November, 6pm

Love to see you there, but please don't talk to me during the game. :)

Enter Sasha

Enter Sasha McDonnell, the first professional woman player who caught my attention, somewhat by accident a few years ago. One of the reasons I came across her was she's a Brisbane girl, so I was mightily annoyed last year when she signed with Canberra.

Sasha (second from left) just after her goal

The way I discovered she had signed for Brisbane this season, believe it or not, was Wikipedia, which also had the W-League table updated before the official A-League site. Sasha is still not on the team web page.

She wasn't even on the bench for the first game. She did play away last week against Melbourne and apparently had a good game, but I was very happy when, at 0:0, they gave her a go in the 81st minute yesterday against the Mariners. Two minutes later, with her first touches, she scored the winning goal.

She's a poacher not a play maker, but she looks great, is very fast and is clearly a handful for defenders. My honest view is Sasha is not as versatile or as capable of making plays as Courtney Beutel, say. But love isn't always rational.

Congratulations Sasha for scoring your first goal for your home town's team. May there be many more.

I went to Ballymore yesterday alone and it was, once again, an entirely positive experience. Yes I love the team but I also fall further in love with the stadium every time.

Having a smoke at half time I got chatting to another smoker, as you do. He unashamedly told me he never went to the men's games because he hated public transport and it cost too much. But his daughter was a footballer who played for Oz U19s. He told me a RUMOUR. I'd never heard it, it concerned me, and just in case it's true I thought I better write it.

He said that there was someone with money ready to put a lot of money into a QUEENSLAND women's team next year. That the competition would still be 8 teams but that the GC and Brisbane at least would be combining for the W-League. If this is true, it a) sucks, and b) will leave me with no reason to have an orange scarf at all. (For the time being, I'm guessing for a month or two, I just couldn't be bothered with the men.)

My own dream is that enough BRISBANE people support these girls - possibly Brisbane's most successful and in-form sporting team at this time - to make a change a big risk. I sometimes wonder if football administrators don't need a workshop on how tribalism works. Sure you can make a fluffy competition and hope it's a good option for family family types on a Sunday afternoon. But it's going to be the most fickle audience in the world. And who is going to tattoo "South East Queensland" on their chest? BRISBANE is its own cult, and if we want fan bases that a) grow, and b) stick around, the only chance of doing so is around a civic cult.

Just incidentally, exactly which 'families' are we going for? I come with my son and his mates to games, but I swear, drink and generally believe that a good dose of wickedness is essential for an ethical life. Where are these morally pure families that will be offended at unchristian behaviour? If they do exist, are they really a fan base?

Anyway I hope the rumour is wrong, but if it's right, you read it here first.

Found a great women's soccer website: Girls With Game.

Incidentally, Jacob's Indoor team won 18:0 on Saturday, their third straight win. Satisfying of course, but not as rivetting as a hard-fought 2:1 win.

On other private news, I'm worried about my beautiful fiance Dawn. She seems to like soccer. That could either mean that, a) she's as mad as I am, or b) she loves me very much. Either interpretation is fine.

Roar vs Mariners 0:3 and the Rest

What's there to say?

The coach is sacked, a whole lot of laundry is aired, some no doubt utter bullshit, other true. Frank is scapegoated for a long period of administrative incompetence in the Roar and the FFA.

At the same time - quick, someone mentioned a 50% hike on the already most expensive tickets in the league might have 'contributed' to the disappearing crowds - the Roar announces a 15% price cut and a special promotion letting kids in free. According to John atA Seat At The A-League they were giving tickets away outside. Anyway I took advantage of this and brought three kids. A sign of my waning loyalty is that for the first time I just bought the cheepest ticket available and then sat wherever I bloody well wanted. So $29 for four people was pretty good!

7,400. Lowest crowd ever, to watch a 0:3 tragedy.

Now, no matter how atheist, naturalist, secularist and humanist you are, is there no point at all at which you wonder, however fleetingly, that the universe is trying to tell you something?

Frank Farina was a scapegoat for a disastrous period that noone but the Board can ultimately take responsibility for, but are we sure the universe isn't trying to tell us something else too?

What is the 'Suncorp curse'? At one point it was almost miraculous in its absurd consistency - certainly for long enough to tell us something.

And the women at Ballymore? Well into their second season now at Ballymore they have been defeated just once, and reign as premiers and Champions.

If we are AT ALL superstitious, the ides all point to Ballymore. "Goooo toooo Ballleeeemooooore", the universe chants, over and over. Actually a bit of old fashioned common sense says the same thing, but I'm trying a new tack in frustration.

Look we've got 8000 fans still if we can halt the rot about now. Even at Suncorp, can't we just close the whole second tier and the whole eastern side. The ground, with its patchy concentrations in several disparate parts of the massive stadium, speaks of someone holding out with, "...but what will we do if 35,000 show up." Someone is continuing to be ridiculous, and that person hasn't been sacked yet.

Meanwhile at the beginning of the season there was a name change to Brisbane Roar. Now a name change is a big thing, and the timing to have a big splash of renewal was perfect, but the change came behind nothing, almost a feeling of blushful embarassment.

Look, there are two seperate things the Roar need to do NOTHING about.

1) Soccer is the World Game. The game itself is constantly publicised on every channel and everywhere else. Constantly there are massive world competitions, gossip about the world's richest sportsmen etcetera. The game happens to be highly skilled, accessible and beautiful at the same time. Even in Australia junior participation has been greater than the other codes for a long time. Soccer can and does speak quite well for itself.

2) Brisbane is a large, growing and increasingly proud city. I'd say the civic cult is going from strength to strength. Idiomatic titles like Brizvegas and Brisburgh illustrate this, but many people I know who live here openly love their city and say so.

All the Brisbane Roar has to do then, with a realistic home at Ballymore, is state the message, and repeat the message, that Brisbane Roar represent BRISBANE in the WORLD GAME. If they keep emphasising those two things, they are effectively mobilising a multi-billion dollar promotion strategy.

Suncorp 'the greatest stadium' isn't going to sell it. 'The Brisbane Roar is wonderful' isn't going to sell it, even if it's true. 'Fun family day' isn't going to sell it on its own due to the expense, even if the prices were more reasonable. 'Soccer is really cool' is redundant. 'Soccer is the real football code' is insulting to Australians everywhere.

Ballymore is Brisbane's traditional soccer home and it is big (25,000), homey and intimate. I for one would love to support my city there, in its efforts to compete against opposition from across the world in the greatest of all sporting contests, the lingua franca sporting code of the world.

Meanwhile, sack the accountant and the PR graduate and hire a bloody seer. You would do better Brisbane Roar.

Good Luck Frank Farina

Dear Frank Farina,

You were the best coach the Roar has had and if we find a better one in the current circumstances we'll be lucky.

The board were stupid to sack you, and you are clearly correct to point out that you are being scapegoated - to the extent that you didn't need to say it.

False moralism, of which you are a victim, is sickening, anti-creative and anti-freedom. None of the real crooks and incompetents are being sacked.

My love stays with the boys, who apparently supported you 'till the end. I won't blame any of them if they want to move on now, but for those who stay and any new lads the new coach brings in, I hope they manage to pull a good game together.

I love the lads, but can't stand the Board or the FFA.

But my respect for you is undiminished. All the best in the future in whatever direction you decide to take.

Sincere Regards,
Hamish Alcorn.